stopped melting
and the polar bears
stopped dying.
I wish Hogwarts existed
and that nobody was hungry
or sick
or sad.
I wish that everyone's wishes
came true.
I wish men would stop killing
one another.
I wish I loved you better.
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3 comments:
Wow is this really you posting Charles? There's something so vulnerable about this piece that doesn't often show up in your other work. I think that's what lends the best authenticity to the poem though - it's so innocent and blunt for the first two stanzas, and that's what makes the final line so resonant and heartbreaking.
Props on "I wish Hogwarts existed". I think a lot of people can relate to that line and so it works as both an awesome reference and a key moment in describing the tone of child-like innocence.
The only thing that I didn't like as much was the title. I think it's just a bit too fairy-tale-esque, and is a phrase that strikes me as being more childish instead of childlike (even though ironically it's a very "pessimistic adult" outlook). Also it sort of introduces the poem as being a bit too bitter, when I just got the vibe of it being regretful and sad.
I love the sense of innocence in this poem Charles. There's something childlike about the nature of these wishes, and the frankness of the speaker. It makes the last line stand out a lot for me; I feel a great yearning for more carefree times, when these people were in love and hopeful and innocent.
I have to say MSMC about the title, and the sad/regretful vibe vs. the resentful. I would shorten the title to just "Wishes" - it would turn this into a sort of a list poem, which leaves the connotations of the word to speak for itself. It sets up a hopeful optimism before falling into a sad longing. At the end of the day, these are merely wishes.
The last line stands out a lot for me. It would make such a good starter for another piece!
Glad that you're still posting Charles :) I will make it a point to visit Heart Rape more often!
Thanks for the comments girls! (And yes, Marta, it is I...) It's interesting that you found it more authentic and vulnerable (especially since I've been talking so much about impersonal modernist poetry these days...) but it makes sense because it was absolutely the mood I was when I wrote it. This is all teaching me a lot about how honest poetry is as a craft. If a line comes to you and you start working on a piece of verse, it's very clear that you have to respect the implications and mood of that first line, or else the whole thing will just cave in... I feel like in prose you can more easily cover up whatever personal material accidentally pushes through with crafty editing.
I think you're both right about the title... It was a last minute addition because it needed one. I'll take your suggestion, Andrea — I really like "Wishes," simply, and I think it works very well with the list content. So thanks! I don't know what I'd do without you guys!
CAFS
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