Sunday, October 3, 2010

Bristol1

It's very wet here —
Although that's to be expected,
From outside one thinks of England as a grassy rock
Thrown against the fog and hail
Moulding there in the cold winds
Like a piece of old cheddar
In the channel.

The humidity seeps through
Thick socks, sweaters, woolen scarves
Looped thrice around the throat —
Any fissure and your pale, tender skin
Will prickle and shiver.
The clammy cold chills through knits
And flesh
To the bone.

Inside,
The kettle whistles
Blows a hot welcome geyser —
A jet of steam around which humans huddle.
Wrap your fingers around the mug
And already you feel the stiffness smoothed out —
Released, knuckles bending/unbending again —
But is it really good, to add more fluid to the balance,
To gorge yourself with more wetness?

Meanwhile,
Windows steam up, blown opaque with humidity —
They perspire, pearls of water forming —
Sliding down the panes —
Clear rivulets in their wakes —
A crystalline pointillist map of droplets and
Cold, warped smears, glistening beads falling
Collecting themselves,
Running down in branched streams —
Creeping, alive —
Wet.

Hand me the towel.

5 comments:

Emlyn said...

I love this Charles, it isn't fair that you can write poetry as well as you write prose.
"Like a piece of old cheddar in the channel" great image! and calling england an old grassy rock thrown against the fog. also an excellent image (though not sure what the English would think of this first verse, england as mouldy cheese is not the most flattering comparison)
"Is it really good, to add more fluid to this balance, to gorge yourself with more wetness"
yes tea is ALWAYS good. Is England getting you down? If it's any concolation it has rained straight for a week here, actually it feels like it hasnt stopped raining since university started...
Bravo Charles, I felt cold and wet and clammy reading this.

Emlyn said...

*consolation, hasn't.

And I won't even bother correcting my lack of capitalization. :P

Chasch said...

Thanks for the comment Emlyn! Don't worry England isn't bringing me down at all, the poem is entirely fiction. I just got obsessed with the image of steamed up windows. I tried to make it a different take on a really obvious subject (rain in England). Glad you like it !

Mike Carrozza said...

this reminded me of Family Guy.

"Condensation" (echo)

Marta said...

This was brilliant! The whole first stanza was absolutely gorgeous in terms of description, I really felt like I was there - and the second stanza really evoked a crazy amount of sensation. Brilliantly done. Felt cold and clammy and shivery while reading it, just like Emlyn said. Though maybe cuz I have a cold and it's quite chilly....but I'll give your poetry the credit for that :P

The third stanza bothered me a bit - a kettle "whistling" is a bit of a cliche description, so I thought maybe if you just cut to "the kettle blows a hot welcome geyser" it could be stronger. Also I'm not too sure if I like the phrasing of the last two lines. The idea is good, of not wanting to take in any more water, but it being in question form just sort of made me do a double take and a tiny frown. May be that this is just me, but I figured I'd mention it.

The next stanza was great - the steamy windows was wonderful! Felt like cold autumn-going-into-winter-days. Cozy and damp but wonderful. You really got the descriptions down.

I don't know how I feel about the last line, so I shall just say I'm neutral. It puts a more casual tilt on the poem, which I don't know if I like, but at the same time, it's fun and made me smile. So yes, I'm neutral :)