Storm in tableau:
the waves a mountain falling
towad the face of the rocks,
lightning half off the ground--
the immobile sound of
one hand clapping.
wait and
one more step
to the edge of the cliff
with the spray half on your face--
the deafened air still ringing
from thunder's passing.
wait and
you are there with me here
at the edge between open and closed,
stricken and calm--
while below us erosion takes
the fastest ourse
and the sky above shows
no signs of ceasing and
no signs of going on.
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3 comments:
Bernard, I love this.
Go over a bit of the spelling. The first staza in particular. I loved the breaks "and wait". I love this idea.
Well done.
I miss you.
Wow this was really well done I love it! Definitely the "and wait" breaks worked perfectly. Because of the setting, the jagged feel of the stanzas felt perfect, like a cliff face or an iceberg sheering off in a great vertical slide into the water.
My absolute favourite line was "with the spray half on your face --". It completely captured the sense of being torn and waiting, looking both over the cliff and back towards the land, being entirely undecided. There is the divide shown there, the schism torn from opposing desires, and yet this isn't an abstract idea, it has been thoroughly grounded and made concrete with this focus on sensation.
Really well done, I very much enjoyed this! The ending was very interesting and I think it worked quite well, really balancing the poem within this setting of limbo. Awesome.
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