I was standing in the kitchen today, thinking of how my friendships are like spiderwebs. Fragile, translucent. It's hard to tell if they really exist. And I am in the center, absolutely still, just waiting. Waiting for something to shock me awake with the violent vibration of its struggle, of its desire to live and fly free. And I am waiting to feed off that lifeforce, to nourish myself, then discard it. Keep its hollow shell in macabre company. Then I fall into a satiated trance, waiting once again, supported by that fragile network that might tear at any moment, sagging under my gluttony.
As I float there sometimes I snap awake, forget that a web exists, feel like I am hovering over that great abyss alone, clinging desperately to air. No one will approach this web, except by unfortunate accident. I live alone, in this shadowed corner. Feeling the zest of life in my veins only every long while, like an old woman waiting for death, only to be prodded to life by the sporadic family visit. Wishing they could just leave me alone, let me wither, instead of tantalizing me like this.
I watch the world around me change colours, flourish with life. Yet I just sit and wait for life to come to me.
[What, Andrea's posted on Heart Rape?! My deepest apologies for the neglect. I pledge to work harder on my writing now that school is out and hopefully I'm out of my creative rut, and can read all of your posts for inspiration! Yay! Expect a flood of comments soon.
On another note: I now have as many posts as the FAQ! Hurray!]
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2 comments:
Great analogy. That's all I can muster this early.
Yay! Andrea's back :D!!! <3
So yes, I'd have to second Mike in that this is an excellent analogy. At first I was skeptical, not sure how you were going to go about this, thinking that it would be a cliche "they're delicate and fragile but beautiful" - but i was most pleasantly surprised! Not only was it brilliant, but it was also much darker than I was expecting, which was a nice take on it.
Your diction was particularly excellent and really helped to set the tone and mood of the piece. Loved the line "keep its hollow shell in macabre company". There's something about macabre company that I really really REALLY liked. It was such an odd juxtaposition of wording, but because of that extraordinarily visually stimulating. It makes me want to draw a picture of what macabre company would look like. I also really liked the line right after that, about the fragile network tearing and "sagging under my gluttony". It was such great word choice. It really felt heavy, as though the words were sagging under the corpulence of the content.
I'm not sure if I like the simile in the second stanza "like an old woman waiting for death, only to be prodded to life by the sporadic family visit". It seemed out of place and pulled me out of the setting too much by placing me in another world. It's so much more innocent than the images being put into place. So while it does work quite clearly as a simile, I'm not sure if it's effective enough (but keep the line for something else because it's great and funny :D).
The only other critique I would have is the fact that the first line seems out of place. Because it starts initially as a sort of reverie, I kept expecting the end to go back to where it started. But as of yet, I feel as though it needs either to have something added to the end, or have that mention of standing in the kitchen cut out. I wouldn't say to add a different end though because the last line is pretty kickass :) The last two lines are just great.
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