No, I figure, no, there are better times to do this. Perhaps last night, when you were just engaged, and not right now: Minutes away from ‘I do’.
No, I figure. No, I don’t want to do this anyway. I don’t want to ruin this day, don’t want to proclaim my love in church-full of strangers, don’t want to put my heart on a broken line. I can live with the regret, can swallow my wants, can smile for you one last time. Can suffer on my own, can break a little bit more with each hug, can silently promise I’d treat you better than anyone ever could. I can
If anyone among us..
Oh no.
..knows reason...
I know so much more about you than everyone here. I know you, and I see you, and I understand you and I want you and I need you. I do. I do, I do, I do. I do!
..these two should not be joined in holy matrimony...
Please don’t do this. This is a mistake. This is a mistake. I would love you more. I do love you more.
...speak now or forever hol
I stand. It’s the word ‘forever’ that ticks me off. Forever. I can’t do forever. I’ve too much respect for marriage that I would never, ever, tell you. And forever just sounds too long. Too many days to go by while you spend it in someone else’s arms. Someone who doesn’t know your past the way I do. Someone who doesn’t understand that you’re not as strong as you want us to believe. Someone who doesn’t think of you first. I stand. I stand up, loudly, and exhale as I do so. Because I am here. I am here, and I am the one you run to. I am the one you tell good news to, I was first to hear of your father’s death. I was first to hear of your promotion, I was first in your new apartment, I was first to hear about your fucking engagement. I was first. I was first because I am first in your heart. And you just need to realize it. Contemplate it. Consider us.
Someone coughs.
You stare at me. Wide-eyed, more curious than shocked or confused. Everyone else is looking, too. I am aware of how far away you are. You stand, the one you’ve chosen by your side. And I realize I was the first to be called, even before your mother, your sister, your brother, when you officially set a date for the wedding. And that is who I am. The one at the side. The one to be told, never to be loved. The one to go to, not for.
It is too late.
You’ve made your decision.
I smile. Turn around. “No one better say anything,” I say, with surprising confidence, turning back to you, “Because those two are meant to be together.”
You smile and laugh because I’m such a jokester and leave it to me and such a good friend and good ol reliable silly-goosey me.
Everyone laughs.
I die.
You turn back around. Smile. Laugh. Get married. You’ve made your decision.
It’s the wrong one. You know?
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4 comments:
I love you.
somehow I knew this was your piece.
I can relate to this. A lot. Except happier in the end.
This reminds me of that really bad movie about those best friends who are in love, except this is better because it doesn't end well. You want it to end well, but then you don't, because it makes you cringe a bit in the end...
Oh, and this was well written. That movie I was talking about wasn't.
This is so heartbreaking. I love it.
Only thing is I don't think it needs those last two lines. Or the last last one at least. It's strong enough without and the question is a little...off-putting.
But other than that, I thought it was quite good. I like the "someone coughs" line. It's so cliche but so...perfect. It works. Because the whole situation isn't cliche at all in the end.
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