Today at the park I saw an act of extreme cruelty (and I do not use these words lightly). A little girl was playing with her mother by the swings. This man in sports clothes walked by and just as he passed them he emptied his water bottle on the little girl's head.
The little girl was so surprised that she just stood there, absolutely still. The man had already run off at a good pace, as they do. The little girl only began to cry when her mother started to fuss and tried to take off her soaked dress.
I began to wonder: shouldn't the mother have shouted at the man, ran after him, punched him in the groin? I began the wonder: am I the type of mother who doesn't say anything when a stranger empties a bottle of water on her daughter, or am I the type of mother who runs after the man, shouts at him, punches him in the groin?
Do you know what I mean? It's an important question, when you think about it.
I walked back home and called Mary because it's her birthday. I forgot to tell her about what I'd seen in the park. So she had no idea I'd just witnessed an act of extreme cruelty.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Hm. Don't know how I feel about this piece. While it's self contained and cyclical, I feel like it's taken out of a larger context and there isn't enough information to orient the reader (ex. who's Mary, who's the speaker, who's the speaker speaking to). It's a good philosophical conundrum (and the situation is one of serious wtf should I ever witness that), but it's so brief, so sudden, that it sweeps the rug under your feet and ends before you've even hit the ground.
The repetition in the third paragraph also didn't quite cut it for me. While I get what it's doing, it feels clunky, particularly situated in flash fiction.
It also bothered me that the narrator forgot to mention the scene in the park at the end: while it's true to life, it just makes the whole episode seem irrelevant, particularly because it didn't even seem to spur calling Mary, because she was going to get a birthday call anyway. Maybe an additional last line would work, just to drive home that the speaker isn't taking it lightly. The first line is asking for a better pay-off.
Hopefully this helps some if you were going to work on it more.
Post a Comment