Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Roughing It In The Bush

This is experimenting in voice. The Rumi and the Szymborska are spilling out, and I don't know how it works. Help!

This is the morning,
this is the hunter,
this is the forest snow.

Walking behind you, I wonder why
we are the only species
with the capacity to ignore.
Were we birds
on the wing of some migratory path,
there would at least be salutation.
But for now I breathe quietly
and try to match
the rhythm of your feet.

You are looking for something
beyond my understanding,
so I don't focus on 
following the path
so much as the bootprints.

I begin with myself
step before step
and only the crows note my passage.

If you look behind
and find me gone
when you arrive,
it is because I finished before you
and took to flight
for other hunts.

2 comments:

Mike Carrozza said...

I had a hard time with this piece.

It didn't flow like I expected. I mean I always expect your work to follow a rhythm. Not the same rhythm each time, but a rhythm no less. This one was more jarring and honestly, of all pieces to have a strange pace, this one calls for it as it speaks of the routine in human hunting.

I liked the concept and resolution of inner qualms (very subtle, very nice), but for the rest of the piece, I found myself in and out.

Sorry for harsh words, but I know you have better in you.

It's nice to see you experimenting though! :)

<3

Mike

Anonymous said...

I must agree with mike only as far as the words like 'capacity' and 'salutation', there's something just too judicial in them, too latin and it completely clashes with the Rumi and the Szymborska you say are 'spilling out'

I hope you won't take us harshly (lol me and carrozza ganging up on you) but it's like they say: criticism only makes you stronger!!!