I no longer lose any sleep over those who suffer.
I have come to terms with the world's impermanence.
If you truly want to know what it is to be awakened,
think of the chair you sit on today.
"24 seconds you'll be comfortable
24 minutes you'll shift
24 hours you'll start to feel pain
24 days the pain becomes excruciating
24 weeks you no longer have control of your limbs
24 years you deteriorate
240 years we are dust."
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4 comments:
This was really good. The title was very clever and worked perfectly. I actually got two senses from it, and I don't know if you intended it to be that way, but it works in considering the etymology of the word "lemma" as an argument and something taken for granted, as well as with the word play of it resembling "dilemma" because the subject of the piece is very problematic in metaphysical terms.
It was a great way of dealing with the topic of impermanence, which is always hard to portray in a non cliche way. The way you stepped out of the poem as speaker by invoking the chair the reader is sitting in was very strong. The repetition of the number was an excellent way of marrying the constancy as well as inevitable changing going on. It also becomes an oxymoron of "constant change", which had a nice balance throughout.
I'm curious why you chose the number 24 - was there any significance behind it?
Also I think you meant "awakened" rather than "awaken". Or "awake". But awakened would work better. Actually that word bothered me period. I don't know if it works. Hm. Anyway, good apart from that.
MSMC. Pretty much on every point lol! So I guess I'll just reiterate everything she said in colloquial terms and then cry the ink-drop tears of an English major incapable of original analysis.
1. Title: love it. I love the play on words, and the introduction of the Dalai Lama/guru figure. Just the idea of the Dalai Lama having a dilemma is hilarious.
2. Voice: The tone here is perfect - serene yet disheartened. I love how the speaker is overcome by a radical shift in philosophy, but it's not a shattering disillusionment. There's nothing anguished or accusatory about what is said. Things are left for the reader to contemplate.
3. The constancy/change interplay is brilliant, what with the repetition of the numbers. It protrays really well the whole notion of cyclical existence, of constant flux. I found it especially interesting since my last post kind of played with the same notion of time. It's really hard to pull off, and you did it well! So double props :)
3.5: love love how you zoom in on the chair, on this precise present moment. and I especially like how it's the chair "today" and not "right now" - you aren't hammering the point and leave things for the reader to notice. I like!
4. I'm curious about the "24" too. Is it based on the 24 hour day?
"cry the ink-drop tears of an English major incapable of original analysis"
I love you Andrea. <3 And I second all your points especially 2 and 3
Actually, this is based on my Eastern Religions class. Dr. Sasson spoke about what the Dalai Llama said when he was at the Bell Centre and how it can be misconstrued. and then she told us about a documentary on Buddhism from the 70s where a guy came up with the chair example. 24 was his number. I forgot to put quotes, so I'm doing that :P.
<3
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