This will be my last post for a short while. I'm currently working on a longer piece comprised of some of my major short stories (since a lot of them have similar tones). My goal is to edit and re-write them to form a short novel or a long novella. The tentative title is "Five Girlfriends and a Lover". I doubt that this novel/novella will actually happen due to the excess my brain has (thus far) been tolerating this summer. Anyway.
J: But you have to tell me, are you waiting because you want this, or are you just waiting for this to end?..
J: I don't know
J: I just wanna talk a little.
J: Mhm.
J: What are you typing?
J: Everything
J: No
...
J: Yeah
J: What are you saying, can you tell me?
J: I'm saying everything
J: What are you writing?
J: Everything
J: What does is start with?
J: It starts with, "But you have to tell me, are you waiting because you want this, or are you just waiting for this to end?.."
J: So whats the answer?
J: I don't know
J: So 'I don't know' means you're waiting for this to end.
J: ...
J: I think that we're more afraid to not be with each other. I think that's the problem. Are you listening, Jordano? Hello.
J: I think so too.
J: Ya eh? Do you think it would be better if we went together?
J: What do you mean?
J: Do you think that we'd be better off not together.
J: That's not what you had initially asked.
J: How do you know that?
J: Well now that I'm editing our dialogue to post on the blog, it seems like you actually asked something completely different before I had asked you what you meant by your question.
J: Just answer the question.
J: Which one?
J: Any one.
J: I don't know. I don't know anything. We just gotta' wait.
J: For what?
J: To wait and see if I'm crazy.
J: No. I don't want to wait for this to end, for you to make your decision. I don't want it to end badly, it's gonna drive me crazy, babe. I don't wanna wait for it.
J: I don't wanna make a decision.
J: I don't want us to be unhappy and wait for this to end.
J: Then what do we want?
J: I just... I want us to always be happy, and I want to be myself and not question things. I hate questioning things.
J: It's just so tiring, everything's so tiring.
J: Our relationship?
J: No, everything.
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4 comments:
I like this alot Jordano! Sorry I don't really have anything else constructive to say about it.
Very real feel to it. It got confusing because of the J's but aside from that it was really raw. I really think this should extend a lot. I think your talent for description should really go at it after the dialogue. The spat over the question is perfect. Absolutely perfect. It was the most real moment. I'm excited for this novella.
This was very touching, in that very rare, raw, honest way that is impossible to fake.
M&CSMC
This was just wonderful. I love how the dialogue is left ambiguously undescribed, and both names are "J," yet each person shines through. The ending was brilliantly simple and emotionally honest.
"J: I don't wanna make a decision.
J: I don't want us to be unhappy and wait for this to end.
J: Then what do we want?
J: I just... I want us to always be happy, and I want to be myself and not question things. I hate questioning things.
J: It's just so tiring, everything's so tiring.
J: Our relationship?
J: No, everything."
Reminded me so much of Hills Like White Elephants by Hemingway. Those unspoken feelings between the lines...don't need to be spoken, they show through the gaps. Bittersweet hope. I like this a lot!
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