(I will continue to post the rest of My Useless Memory at Work when I write more. I will repost the first chapter with edits eventually. but for now, some stream work...)
I watched a spider.
It recognized itself in the mirror.
It felt theatened
and tried to go around its reflection.
It failed.
I crushed it with tissues.
The only reason I kill these creatures
is so I won't be woken up by
my brother's fear-stricken scream
when the spider is discovered.
It would then be crushed.
Is it better to be killed
with foresight in mind or
to be killed
out of fear?
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1 comment:
Hmm...I like this a lot, but it feels off somehow.
The first stanza I found brilliant, the way the spider is threatened by its own reflection, totally agitated. I could just see the frenzied little legs...and then I love the way the narrator is so passive about killing it. It's the perfect juxtaposition. The only line I really didn't like was "It recognized itself in the mirror." I don't feel like it recognized itself if it felt threatened. But I see what you mean: it's walking along and then suddenly stops because it notices the reflection. Even though the word choice is off for me, I think you communicate this well by having the abrupt stops/periods. The way the next lines are enjambed work well with the "going around" too.
Second stanza: no complaints about this one. I really loved the last line, how it echoes the same non-chalance as in the first. So bluntly stated. It sets up the comparison well for the last stanza.
Final stanza: like with the first, I really like this but have beef with *one* line. In this case it's "with foresight in the mind or." It seems wordy and redundant to say "foresight in the mind..." but I do like the rhythm of it.
All in all, if I ignore the *words* of those two lines and listen more to the rhythm of the poem, I think it's great. Hooray!
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