--Here's hoping
my pen has enough ink /
its holy dance
a hostile hospitality.
Inarticulate plastic
Consumer consumed good /
pure life pure laine
black eyes new black.
O's, X's & mostly X's
Electric chairs
tasers
Computer chairs
razors
Treadmills
paper
Leather
vapour
Gonna' die
gonna' die
All gonna' die
into vapour.
Cop cars on fire
all to witness destruction.
All in good fun--
3 comments:
I really enjoyed this. It was ludicrous, light, the alliterations and rhymes were clever (hostile hospitability, tasers/razors) and it had the usual Jordanotic negativism taken with a grain of irony. The O's & X's line was really good.
I found the last full stanza (Gonna' die, etc. ) was weaker than the rest, though. I think it's the repetition of "gonna die", and "vapour" used again from the previous stanza, in such a short piece I thought something original would come up at the end, not just reiterations. The last line had punch, however.
This felt like a song and that always makes me happy.
It sounds like a routine that isn't mundane and dangerous or ultimately encourages danger.
The Os and Xs line was great.
I liked the juxtaposition of electric vs computer chairs. really really nicely done.
Black eyes new black. love the reference.
I think the opening makes it seem like a toast and I'm not sure how I feel about that. If it just popped in on "its holy dance" and then on, I think it would set it off like napalm.
CSMC.
I love how nonsensical this piece is. It's purely for the sound of it. Honestly, the first stanza made me think this was written by Bernard at first, which kind of turned me off because I was like, "Ok, Bernard, where are you going with this?" lol! But then it descends into randomness. Reading it again, knowing that it's meant to be nonsensical, I enjoyed it a lot.
I agree though with Charles that the "Gonna die" stanza was a bit limper than the rest. Other than that, I enjoyed this a lot.
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