Storm's 'a 'comin
Storm clouds are gathering
Furiously above my
Aching head
Don’t
Disturb me
Today is
Not
The day
To mess
The air is electric with
The promise of
Lightning
And heavy with the threat of
Rain
Thunder has begun rolling in from a distance
And I am longing for
The storm to commence
Because I can’t deal with the stress of
These storm clouds
Hanging
Above my head
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5 comments:
it's late and i'll be blunt.
2nd piece first.
Lost interest within the first stanza. I'll reread in the morning, but I found it really difficult to read through.
HOWEVER
1st piece.
I debated whether or not to read tonight or in the morning and decided to stop reading when I felt bored and I finished the piece because it MADE me do it.
Strong commanding piece. Also, great allegory. There are things I would change, but in retrospect, they'd be my personal flair really, my Mike-isms. So good piece. I'd edit it once more over and then I think we've got a candidate challenger for my Emlyn top 3.
Thank you Mike.The second piece was an idea i wanted to develop into a poem, the first piece was more streem of thought, the second one needs work, but i liked the idea of a person as a schoolbag...
I'm curious what are your Emlyn top 3? land-locked lament, sea change, ?
Sea Change, Puzzles, Just Another Raindrop (I think)
Land-Locked Lament boxes out Just Another Raindrop. Just reread it.
well I'm glad land-locked lament is in there because it is what i am reading for poets cafe :)
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