I'm trying my best to fight fair,
But I've resorted to digging into your mind,
Using the spoon you stir your soup with
To pull out chunks of the fears that restrict you.
But now I must find a way
To remind you that some fears are
Necessary and right
And fix the parts that I scrambled.
I am an amateur, but I seem to have
Reached in deep enough
To have an effect.
Go forth, my dear,
Be brave and shake hands with fear.
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4 comments:
I really like this Mike! I'm not sure about the title, but the images in this poem are great! "I've resorted to digging into your mind,/ using the spoon you stir your soup with"
excellent lines/image :)
Mike, this was really good. Like Emlyn, me like the imagery of digging through the mind and removing stuff, and then being like, shit, now I have to try to put it back together, and knowing you fail at it, but doing your best. I think it's a lovely metaphor about how men usually are in relationships, emotionally: less complicated, more awkward.
The finally message was powerful: stop fearing, start living. Shit happens, but it'll be worth it in the end. So yeah, your poem got me thinking. Good job!
If you want :P
E&CSMC. Excellent piece. The soup spoon imagery was just phenomenal and I think you really captured a unique image using that idea. Again, like they said, the concept was great, of trying to force-fix it, but realizing that you are an amateur and that you probably should have just left it alone in the first place. So just...really well done on that. Very much enjoyed it.
I felt like you threw around the word "fear" a bit much though. For some reason, the fourth line bothered me with it...it was such a concrete image juxtaposed to such an abstract one, and I mean...you can sometimes make that work, but I don't know if it's that effective here. Especially since you use the word "fear" again twice after, I feel like you could have gone a different direction with that word to strengthen it and avoid repetition. Fear is a really loaded word - like "hope" or "truth". It's tough to use and get away with just once, and you've got it in here three times.
On that note, and I don't know if it's just because of the fact that it was the third time using the word, but the last two lines seemed a little off. I like the idea, but at the same time it seemed to be just a little too in-your-face-here's-the-message-punchline. I don't know. It bothers me, but everyone else seemed to like it, so I give you permission to ignore me :P
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