I completely forgot to post on Thursday so, this is me pretending it is Thursday.
three birds sang to me.
One praised my accomplishments, those from five years past,
Another, far louder than his brethren, pecked at my flaws,
breaking skin, piercing veins.
I lie there, staring up in wonder
A single bird in flight, silent
a moment passes, a perfect circle formed
Opened eyes contemplate
Silence passes
A lone bird watches, judges
As I silently judge back.
3 comments:
Does the final bird represent the inner desires of the narrator?
I think expanding on the other two birds could have been good, but you pulled it off well here.
I'll read this one at the creative meeting, because I like it so much.
Kudos Davina.
I quite like it! I can't seem to want to speak in critical terms right now, but it strikes me more than your other works do.
I like this one a lot! The images are so crisp: "breaking skin, piercing veins" really made it pop out in my imagination. I like how the last bird flies overhead mysteriously, and you're not sure if it's dangerous or not. This poem feels so ambiguous and contemplative. It makes me want to read it again...it's like I can't really tell how I feel about it.
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