Define Normalcy

This is something that came to me one day and I thought hey, why not? Let's post this, even though it is not something I usually do or am even comfortable doing. (Tabia, this has no effect on my now demoted/ not for long demoted title)

It was a mistake, and she now knew it. Stubbornness had always been a negative aspect that couldn’t be fixed. She wasn’t fixable, yet it was a secret that only she knew. No one was willing to listen, no one wanted to be proven wrong; knowledge was held too high above everything else. If there was no knowledge, then there was nothing. Right now there was nothing, a barren landscape spread in front of her. Yet all that was left behind needed to stay that way, it was necessary for her survival. Back there, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, too many machines, too many machines. Her legs were starting to give up on her, she laughed at the irony, she laughed at herself. Her voice was horse and raw, yet it was hers and under her influence. She controlled it, she was finally in control. She was invincible, untouchable and free. Free to fly, to soar, to glide. She couldn’t recall the last time that she was free, she was always held under someone else’s control, someone else’s desires and wishes. It was her turn now, her turn to live her life the way she wanted. A few steps into her hike, her legs collapsed under her while her head was spinning in all directions. Spots appeared, followed by stars, finally concluding with bright pulsating lights then blackness. She wasn’t afraid of the dark, on the contrary, it used to be her friend, it used to keep her sane. Lights showed the truth, while the dark hid it well. A moment passed, perhaps minutes, maybe hours, either way time had no meaning in that moment, for once time did not rule her life. She shakingly stood up, got her bearings and continued on, she had no other choice. Her choice had already been made, and she was going to stick to it even though it was to result in her death. She was clearly aware that she planned her own suicide, she was walking to her own deathbed. Breathing became harder and the pauses became longer, yet she continued on. Her mind raced with thoughts, was she doing the right thing or did she make a mistake. Mistakes could be fixed though, this couldn’t. A few more minutes into her hike and she felt like her body was on fire, eating her up from the inside out. The pain threshold had increased within the last few months but this, this was more than anything she had ever felt.

This was torture.