I blame you for the foul weather.
Your departure left
A depression in the air
A hole in the ozone.
Atmospheric disturbances
Create only an outline
Of you
Cut out in the clouds
Filled with empty hopes.
I blame you for the foul weather
But I still revel in the rain.
Your absence is my malady.
The symptoms:
Lack of sleep,
Broken dreams,
I am constantly cold.
The empty space beside me
In the useless queen-size
Absorbs all the warmth.
I toss and turn all night
Churning the sheets
Like icy sea water.
So I smashed your picture today.
The one I've been making
In my mind
For three years.
Our memories,
Those burnished images
Fresh from the furnace
Hardened by the heat of out passion.
Turn up the fire in the kiln
By a notch
And they burst
Brittle
Into sherds of cracked clay.
Take them out too early
And they're still soft and shiny
They look retarded, anyway.
Better to smash everything
And leave archeologists
To sift through our debris
In a thousand years.
Let them wonder, then,
As I do, now:
Why?
9 comments:
"I blame you for the fowl weather
But I still revel in the rain."
Nicely done.
I think this captured Emlyn's style really well actually. The symptoms list is something I expected would come from her at some point. It's great.
I also enjoyed the "So I smashed your picture today" I could only imagine Emlyn's voice for that line, no matter how hard I tried to hear Charles.
Kudos.
Fuck WOW. *I* could hear my voice. This is just incredible...and scary actually. I am impressed. good job.
Ha ha, I don't know how to spell foul apparently. The "chicken" weather has been corrected...
Bahaha! I hadn't even noticed :p
Oh, homonyms.
Well, it's a cool pun I guess!
O, and thanks for the comments guys! I felt like some of the lines sounded more like Bernard (taken by themselves, I mean, because I could never emulate Bernard's metaphysical poetic cohesion) but if you think it was Emlyn-ish at times then I guess it wasn't a complete failure. It forced me to write poetry, anyway, which is pleasant because I don't do that a lot!
I approve.
I'm actually going to agree that at times it sounded somewhat Bernard-esque, but that in itself is totally Emlyn's style.
I'm a fan of the content - "So I smashed your picture today" and the last stanza in particular, but all of it is incredible.
Ah, and the weather, and the symptoms...I totally heard Emlyn, AND it was an excellent piece of emotionally charged writing. Bravissimo.
This sounds SO MUCH like Emlyn! You did an amazing job Charles, especially the lines: "I toss and turn all night
Churning the sheets
Like icy sea water."
It was such an Emlyn-esque moment, and the picture smashing too. I could hear her voice in my head lol
Well done. I'm just in shock. I think this is the first piece I heard/read by you without any reference to sex.
I like the line about the archeologist. Very good.
My only critisism would be the line "they look retarded, anyway."
I wouldn't have used the adjective retarded. The use of it in that sense bothers me.
I really like the rest, and a few favorite lines are
"I blame you for the foul weather but I still revel in the rain."
"I toss and turn all night, Churning the sheets
Like icy sea water."
"so I smashed you picture today."
and
"Let them wonder, then, as I do, now: Why?"
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