He comtemplated removing his feet from the coffee table, debating internally whether or not it was rude to do this at another's appartment. He then saw her do the same and assumed it was alright. He was relieved, because even if this wasn't the first impression, it was an equally important one. He wanted things to be perfect. It wasn't his fault; His parents instilled this in him. "Any job worth doing, should be done well, and that's not just for 'jobs'." He sighed in nervousness and chuckled. His discomfort was great enough for anyone to sense; anyone, but her, that is.
She quickly rose from her seat and went to retrieve supplies from another area of the appartment. She stood in the kitchen, staring at the cupboards and finally grabbed her goods. Almost prancing, she returned with lemon wedges, two shot glasses, salt and a bottle of tequila. She was ready to make a mistake.
He was not.
He played with the ring in his pocket while she was away.
4 comments:
Although I didn't dislike this, I didn't completely understand where you were trying to get at.
I like the way everything is kind of warped: the guy is full of questionings in doubts, whereas he should actually be in control, how he corrupts the values his parents gave him... yet, the characters don't feel completely "there". It's hard to explain. I know the piece is short, but I've seen very short pieces, even on this blog, where where characters are defined, complex, and human.
Here, we don't really understand their motivations.
That's just my opinion.
I really just wanted a vague short story wher people cheat :P.
Well done then!
I'd have to agree with Charles in that I don't fully get their motivations, but I still like it. The warped-ness definitely comes through, and I like how they're on completely different wave lengths. It makes it so tragic.
But I found it a little weird how we were in the guy's mind, and then we were let in on the woman's thoughts...hm. But I did like this. It just seems like something's....off? And I can't quite pinpoint it.
So I'll just say I like it :P
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