I was sent to the floor by the forces of gravity.
I didn't expect this at all
For me to be turned around on my heels
To beg you to stay.
I was raised to my feet by my will.
I didn't expect this at all
For me to hold you as you wept.
To beg you to stay.
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5 comments:
This drives the nail in right where it hurst. Very beautiful.
"I didn't expect this at all / For m[e] to hold you as you wept."
I like that especially.
I always feel honored when Charles posts a comment on my latest post.
I like the opening line because it follows so well from the title for some reason - "I was sent to the floor" almost sounds like it was the captain sending you, and then it says "by the forces of gravity" and...I don't know why, but I found that really impactful. It hit me right away. And of course, the rest is heartbreaking, as usual. *sigh*. I wish I could have some form of magic wand to make you instantaneously happy.
Even when I make awful typos? I kind of like this mistake though, it makes hurt sound like hearst...
This one sounds like a song.
But for some reason 'to beg you to stay' doesn't feel like it flows. Maybe grammatically, maybe literally, I don't know, but it feels out of place.
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