I put away my wishing stars
I put away my dreams
I locked them in a treasure chest
And threw it out to sea
I hung up my fishing net
And folded up my sails
I took my maps down from the walls
And stopped the spinning globe
The sea still calls to me
It does
The waves, the wind, the whales
It tempts me with that treasure chest
That now lies locked upon the shoals
The wind still whispers to me
It does
Of salt and brine and fog
Ocean mist in the loch
And the map of the rocks on my palms
The ship still speaks to me
It does
Creaking through my dreams
Reminding me of freedom
Of how it felt at the helm
Of how it felt like home
I put away my wishing stars
I put away my dreams
I locked them in a treasure chest
And threw it out to sea
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5 comments:
I liked this alot. I only have one complaint. I'm not a fan of the "It does"s getting their own lines. I think they should be annexed to the preceding lines.
But otherwise, I enjoyed this. Great sense of storytelling and you left enough to the imagination to keep it interesting and real.
nice.
I genuinely liked this. I would say it's one of your best works. It's so melancholy, but in a beautiful way.
Only thing is...I'm not sure how I liked the last stanza being there. I mean, I liked it in itself, but I found it changed the tone of the poem too greatly and took away from the rest. There was such a good, contained narrative otherwise with a solid ending, but that brought me out of it.
But other than that, I really liked it. Particularly the first stanza. It pulled me in right away. Well done!
Thank you both I appreciate your comments,
Marta, I'm not sure about the last stanza either...
I liked this. The rhythm and the rhyming were unexpected and kept it from getting too monotonous. At first it seemed to rhyme, then it didn't, and then it kind of jarred back and forth which fits perfectly with the images of the water.
I agree about the last paragraph though. The repeated paragraph before it fits in much more nicely and brings the poem back to the beginning. But otherwise this was a really great poem! Love the title.
I took out the last stanza, there seemed to be a consensus that it did not fit.
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