Crabs

Felix scratched his crotch. He was standing, waiting, and scratching. He normally didn’t do this sort of thing, especially since there were five tweens in they’re school-girl uniforms, but then again, never had he experienced this amount of itchiness before.

If you’re wondering, the answer is yes, Felix did have crabs, and yes, those thirteen year olds did notice the fact that he was scratching his crotch repeatedly. They didn’t like it. Maybe one of the kinkier ones did...

At this point, Felix didn’t know he had crabs, so he got on the bus and went to work. It was a terrible day spent sitting at his desk where he could scratch in peace while attempting to concentrate on his work, which he forgot what it was and isn’t relevant to our story. His workmate, Eric walked up to his office and knocked on the door “Hey there buddy, didn’t see you come in, how was the weekend?”, Eric exclaimed in his morning person voice (to the dismay of the entire office on a monday morning). “Eh, umm” *scratch* “It was good spent the whole time with Judy.” *scratch* “It’s been a while since we’ve done that.” Felix responded, trying to keep his attention on the conversation. 

“Ooohhh. Nice, some sexy times with your lady. I get it. Good for you, I thought you and Judy had been over for a while, you stopped talking about her.”

“Nope everything’s” *scratch* “fine.”

“Ok there Felix, have a great! day.”

... And Eric walked out from Felix’s doorframe. 

He went home a few hours later, taking the bus again. Arriving to an empty  apartment, Felix felt a little depressed as his day ad been difficult due to the incessant itch and wanted to be comforted by the sight and sound of his girlfriend, Judy. Evidence of her passing was visible, strewn clothes across their bed, the bathroom in disarray, no note as to where she was on the fridge. It had still not dawned on Felix that he had crabs, so he opened the fridge and grabbed a twist-off-cap beer and some leftovers. Microwave, laptop, another depressing evening waiting for his busy woman to come back. He took his pants off about fifteen minutes later and went in for a power scratch, with only his underwear between the crabs and the fingernails. At this point the scratching caused pain, but it itched so bad he couldn’t help himself. 

Between a photo of cats and a mildly interesting article, about some natural disaster in Africa, Judy came home. 11:47. He got up eagerly and walked over to her, “Hey babe, where were you? I wanted to text but you never answer anyways... What’s up?”

In a flurry of leather coats, a heavy layer of makeup and high heels, Judy looked at herself in the long mirror in the entrance of the apartment. “hey”, she breathed.

“Where were you?”

“I was out with a couple girlfriends”

Leaning on the doorframe trying to be friendly and smiling “Ah that explains the mess you left, was it fun?”

She glared at him “Do you always have to criticize me like that? I can’t just go out with my friends without you passing a comment about it”

Surprised, “Sorry, I was just teasing. I don’t care about the mess.”

Judy sighed loudly, walked straight in to the bathroom and closed the door.

After her shower she went to the bedroom swept all her clothes onto the floor and slipped herself in to the bed. 

At this point, you the reader understands that something is up. Judy is being distant and I wrote it that way so it would be obvious to you, thing is, Felix is a dumb character. Also, consider that when you’re in these sort of situations, it’s different, and you don’t always pick up on subtleties. So Felix, being who he is waltzed in a sultry way in to the bedroom. He go undressed, not wanting to turn the light on and stuck his naked body against hers. She didn’t shudder away when he slipped his hand down to her crotch and he said,

“Ooooh, you shaved? What’s the occasion? Was this weekend that great that you wanted to surprise me?”

“yeah... I shaved.”

“That’s hot.”

“yeah”

“I should shave too, I’ve been itchy all day”

“...”

“Sorry, that’s gross. I’ll go shower then”

Felix ran to the bathroom naked, turned the light on and jumped in the shower. Yet still, he hadn’t figured it out. That is until as he was scrubbing furiously and noticed how inflamed and red his penis, testicles and general surrounding area. He saw Judy’s pubic hair all over the shower floor.

Felix walked back to the bedroom. He nudged Judy awake. 

“what” she said

“Honey I have some sort of rash and I’m sorry if you caught it. Is that the real reason you shaved?”

“All right, do I have to spell it out for you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I gave you grabs you dumb fuck”

“What?”

“I’ve been fucking other men, I caught crabs, I fucked you, you have crabs. I shaved my pussy so they would go away.”

Felix rolled over and cried, and scratched.