In the words of the skeptic: "I don't believe in any of this, but I believe in truth and even that is subject to questionning." But I get sidetracked. I just wanted to know her name, but instead I got a quiet walk home.
I can't say this is one of my favourites. It's got potential, like the words of the skeptic part is pretty cool, and I like the ending, but I feel like it missed its mark and isn't as strong as it could have been. The line "But these words are harsh and bleed me of pertinence" is a bit too...melodramatic maybe? I hate to say that it sounds awful, but its a bit too intense for the piece and too teen-angsty. Also the title didn't really do it for me, for the same reasons.
Last three lines were quite nice though. If you could write more in the middle to string the start and end together I think it could be pretty good.
3 comments:
I can't say this is one of my favourites. It's got potential, like the words of the skeptic part is pretty cool, and I like the ending, but I feel like it missed its mark and isn't as strong as it could have been. The line "But these words are harsh and bleed me of pertinence" is a bit too...melodramatic maybe? I hate to say that it sounds awful, but its a bit too intense for the piece and too teen-angsty. Also the title didn't really do it for me, for the same reasons.
Last three lines were quite nice though. If you could write more in the middle to string the start and end together I think it could be pretty good.
Yeah, my bad! Meant to fix it up. I had an edited version the next day, but forgot about it.
Awesome! I like this one better :) and the title works far more
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