So after First Adam left
and Eve went with him
they tried again
but this time they brought them
to the centre of the garden
and they showed them
the Tree of Knowledge
and said go for it
no seriously
we don't mind
and wouldn't you know it--
it worked
and no one left
So things are okay up there now
Second Eve does the garden and
Second Adam just walks everywhere
like he's forgotten to call some
long-forgotten relative
they're pretty happy
as far as these things go
though sometimes they dream about
the taste of apples or
the breath of another
on each other's cheek
but mostly it's sunsets in lawn chairs
by the garden on the hill
and the feeling of the company of a world
without neighbours to yell at
or dogs to let out
or dishes to break
and it's pretty good
let me tell you so far
it's pretty good
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Bernard, I can't say I liked this piece that much. It was enjoyable to read, a bit predictable, maybe, but mainly I found the very colloquial style jarred with the content. The near-complete lack of punctuation also made the reading sort of awkward at times: Second Adam just walks everywhere / like he's forgotten to call some / long-forgotten relative / they're pretty happy...
I do like the "taste of apples or / the breath of another / on each other's cheek", but again I feel like the rhythm is awkward (maybe it's the repetition of "other"?). I also like the bigger separations splicing the lines in half in the second-to-last stanza. The spaces seem to embody the kind of satirical, ironic ring the whole thing has to it in a way that was very clever. If the poem does one thing very well, it's just that — it makes you feel like everything it says rings hollow, yet you can't exactly put your finger on why...
I think this poem is really wonderful. I can definitely relate to that desire for numb peace.
Post a Comment