For years, you've contained me
and after watching countless shows
About empowerment,
I've grown to know the routine.
This is me trying to be brave.
While you did some work in our backyard,
I packed my things and wrote you a letter.
I don't feel the need to call the police.
This is between you and I.
This is me trying to be brave.
I stand in the doorway, ready
to leave our home,
When you come back inside.
You know I've changed and
You resort to words this time.
"Baby, please don't go.
Don't leave me."
This is me trying to be brave.
This is me trying to be brave.
This is me picking up my case.
This is me walking away.
This is me on my own.
This is me.
Bonus Post:
Self-Deprication
There's a split at the tip of my tongue
That divides my lips evenly
And tears my nose in half.
My eyes pierce each other, confused
Like an animal's reflection.
(Finally, I'll get some approval.)
Half-face to half-face, I stand.
It's only now that I realize
That I can't shake hands with myself.
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4 comments:
I really like the first piece, I think it's subtle and short yet fleshed out. But I don't like the repetition of "This is me trying to be brave." Often times you do a lot of repetition in your pieces and it works well enough. But this time it felt like a song, and that mucked up the flow of the piece, I think. I like this bit, though:
This is me trying to be brave.
This is me trying to be brave.
This is me picking up my case.
This is me walking away.
This is me on my own.
This is me.
Solid ending.
Self-Deprication I didn't like so much. I feel as though I'm getting somewhere, but the last line messes it up for me, somehow. Don't know how helpful a comment that is, but there we go there.
I don't like self-deprication
the line "finally i'll get some approval" seemed out of place, and I guess i just didnt like the idea of the piece, and I didn't get the title.
not sure what to say about the first piece. it felt like a story in point form.
i really like the line
"you resort to words this time"
There's a mistake in the title. It should read: "C'est difficile de te demander de ne pas me quitter puisque tu n'as jamais été près de moi." You inverted the "me" and the "pas".
I corrected it. But the "te" is intended to be "te" and not "me" in case you were suggesting that as a correction as well.
Any comments aside from the correction?
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