The Magic Flute

It’s delicious. This sandwich, is truly better than any food I’ve had in the past month. An extra mayo, extra mustard, extra pork chop. White bread. I’m sitting in the hallway outside Joanne studio and I can hear Zoe's beautiful voice belting out parts of the Magic Flute by Mozart. Chunks of pork rolling around in my mouth, sliding down my throat. I can hear Joanne now, laughing loudly in the room. Her voice carries like a foghorn at high tide. She scares the shit out of me.
I had called Zoe earlier and she didn’t answer. That could have meant only two things; one, she was mad at me again and didn’t want to pick up, or, she had a lesson with Joanne. I guessed the latter and lucked out. On my way to the studio, Zoe called me and said that she was almost done, I told her I was coming over and that I would wait for her outside. So here I was stuffing this sandwich down my gullet with enthusiasm. It was a good day so-far, I wasn’t in the dog house, I would meet Zoe here, take her out for a coffee and I had a delicious sandwich my mother gave me before leaving home.
Zoe stopped singing abruptly. I cocked my ear to listen closer. They were talking, probably about a mistake Zoe made. I spotted myself in the window across the hallway. I was covered in mustard stains. Shit I looked like crap. My bag fell over on the floor and I remembered I kept napkins handy in there. Wiping my face off, I realized that Joanne’s voice had started to rise. Zoe’s was pleading. The muffled sounds coming through the door sounded like they were arguing.
“Please Don’t get mad...” I heard Zoe plead loudly.
“DON’T GET MAD??!!” her teacher’s voice booming. The people across the street probably heard her screaming. What the hell was happening in there?
“Joanne, stop, please he didn’t know any better.”
“IS HE OUT THERE RIGHT NOW?” I froze. Is “he” me?
“Um yes, He’s just waiting for me outside...” Joanne sounded Hysterical, and the subject of her hysteria was me. Thanks Zoe, you just fed me to the behemoth. There was more protesting, and I put my ear against the door to get a clearer idea of what was happening inside.
Heavy footsteps, “Do you know what you did?” I heard Joanne desperately trying to whisper. There was a small pause and... Bang! The door swung open slamming into my face. I was sent sprawling into the hallway onto my stomach.
Booming once again, “YOU PUT THIS SLOB NSIDE OF YOUR INSTRUMENT!”
I turned around slowly to face my accuser. Big is too small of a word. Joanne was a fucking monster of a woman, and she literally took up the entire doorway. I think that’s when I peed my pants a little. “You stupid son-of-a-bitch, come in here right now”, she hissed like a tea kettle. I obeyed, and walked quickly into her studio. I avoided Zoe’s eyes, but I saw her hands clasped together, tightly. I think she was scared too.
Halfway in, i felt a strong hand grasp the back of my neck and throw me onto the couch against the wall. I fell head-first into it. ‘Don’t hurt him!” Zoe squeaked. I turned around in time to see Joanne give my poor girlfriend the meanest glare I had ever seen. She shut her mouth and looked at the floor. “You shut up, I’ll deal with you later” Joanne cracked.
Her attention turned to me and I sank into the couch. Her massive breasts swung around after she did. Why am i thinking of titty fucking? She shows way too much cleavage.
“Do you know why I’m angry right now?”
“n...no”
“SPEAK UP!” her voice hit two different notes. Thus her aria began.
“no”
“TRY AND GUESS!!”
Exposition.
“He doesn’t know anything! He doesn’t get it!” Zoe protested.
“I said SHUT UP ZOE!” she looked at the floor again, “Now give it a try. Why am I angry?”
Recitative.
“Cuz I’m a bad boyfriend?”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE THE WORST BOYFRIEND!! Do you want to know why?”
Development.
“Yes?”
“Okay then, let me ask you this, do you care about your girlfriend’s career?”
Suspense.
“yes...”
“THEN WHY DID YOU PUT YOUR PENIS IN HER MOUTH!!!!!”
Climax.
“What?” Did I just hear that right?
“You ignorant FUCK!”
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about!”
“SHE is a SINGER! And you DESECRATED her INSTRUMENT with you PRICK!”
Exposition.
“I... I’m sorry” I turned red hot with embarrassment.
“Don’t let it EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!”
Denouement
“I promise, I won’t”
She grunted in approval, “You are dismissed”
Resolution.
***
The nightmare was over. Zoe and I were back at her place. The traumatic event behind us, we both need some affection. We hugged for a long time, and it was soothing. i tried my hardest not to cry.
Slowly, we started kissing. Yes I thought, sexual healing, the best kind. I got up to put some music on. I had to get The magic flute out of my head. I found Zoe’s Ipod and put it on shuffle. We landed on some nice soothing Jazz.
The song changed to Die Valhkurie by Wagner. Zoe and I locked eyes.
“I have a head ache I think” she said.
“yeah me too” I turned the music off.