It's the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you

My eyes are drawn to the walls that I remember being a different colour, the ceiling that used to have painted stars, the desk that did not used to be there, the windows which still look out on the same view, still let in the noises of the street, of the city. I’m brought back to lying here listening to the city and your calm breathing as you slept beside me, and I know I can’t go through with this, not here, not where I have so many memories, not where you are tied in to all of them, not now even though I know you slept with her, and you don’t think it matters. He walks in with a sly seductive smile, and whispers something, it goes by me because I’m caught up in the realisation that this is not going to work, and this won’t bring me release or pleasure or satisfaction, just pain, pain and a sense of self betrayal. I get up, in a single smooth movement, he moves towards me and I gently grab his arms before they can encircle me. No, is all I say, and I’m lucky, lucky because he lets me go, doesn’t push me doesn’t ask for an explanation just lets his arms drop, and loses his smile. He looks at my face intently and I think he’s going to turn away and leave me here alone with my memories and sense of loss. I’ve let his arms go and wrapped my arms tightly around myself, wishing the events that lead me here wouldn’t keep haunting me. I’m once again lost in my thoughts and don’t realise as he steps closer, don’t realise what he’s about to do till he does it.