Thursday, October 1, 2009

Ricochet

had it not been the way it was
the night would have ended at the last stroke
gliding into the mist and merging with the dawn
as it was how it was
dusk breezed by with a familiar haze
followed swiftly by -
chucking to herself, she spins
them faster and faster until
they can't think straight
twirl out of their orbs completely
grabs the wooden handle and swirls
folding in and out of time and space
faster and faster until they lose
their minds completely
forget what they had originally intended
to find
that you search the night through fog and hail
howl as best you can to call on all favours
but you will be at my disposal
she chuckles to herself as she spins them faster
and you will fall in love
with the undeserving one I have chosen for you
beside the pasture and lake I have selected
in the moonlight I have lit with my martyred heart.
You will think on me
solely once
realize it was I your destiny never.

5 comments:

Mike Carrozza said...

I'm not sure what to think about this one.
I felt like I was being spun.
Kudos, if that was the desired effect :P

Chasch said...

Cryptic. I liked some of the imagery, but whenever you think you understand it it's broken by something completely different (the "twirl out of their orbs" becomes a "wooden handle" that "swirls"). Maybe I'm not looking deep enough, or as Mike said maybe the desired effect was to create a kind of web-like word-haze, in which case I have been successfully trapped.

Marta said...

I think this one was a little too cryptic for me...I don't think I'm too fond of the beginning, up until the "chuckling to herself" line. And I would like the part after that a lot more if the imagery was maybe a little more consistent. It's very abstract, but then there are such physical, concrete mentions of orbs and a wooden handle. I don't know...it just felt a little clashy to me...Although I do like that part in general. Just those two things. Actually, just the wooden handle. That's all. The rest is good.

I really like the line "in the moonlight I have lit with my martyred heart". I thought that was a particularly good visual. But...the last line. I don't quite know what to make of it and I'm not sure if I like it.

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.

Mike Carrozza said...

We're all crazy
from the collective Heart Rape.
'Tis why we write together.

Marta said...

True! :D I love all of you guys <3

So don't listen to me, Tabia.