Silence
Expected wordlessness
It was rhetorical
There never were supposed to be words to fill this gap
It’s scripted
We know this is what comes next
No surprises
We know each other too well for those
We know
When this comes up
To press mute
We only need to exchange looks
Mostly
An answer would be nice
But not needed
Certainly not expected
So satisfaction lies in gestures
Simple subtle slowness
Working ways through thoughts
Crafting motion out of emotion
To let me know you heard
A smile would be nice
But not needed
Definitely not expected
Expected wordlessness
It was rhetorical
There never were supposed to be words to fill this gap
It’s scripted
We know this is what comes next
No surprises
We know each other too well for those
We know
When this comes up
To press mute
We only need to exchange looks
Mostly
An answer would be nice
But not needed
Certainly not expected
So satisfaction lies in gestures
Simple subtle slowness
Working ways through thoughts
Crafting motion out of emotion
To let me know you heard
A smile would be nice
But not needed
Definitely not expected
6 comments:
I can't get over how relateable your work is.
Some things I like: the repetitive structure of would be nice-not needed-not expected, "it was rhetorical" (rhetorical wordlessness? That is a twisty, lovely thought), "crafting motion out of emotion", and the lack of punctuation, whcih makes me wonder when one thought stops and another starts. It make sit feel like the whole poem is one thought, yet it goes through so many. I approve.
"To let me know you heard" is a line that I can't quite place, though - something about it feels jarring, although maybe you intended that.
I do like this; I like its structure; I like the beginning and the middle and the end. :]
Thanks! :) and I'd intended the "To let me know you heard" to link back to the idea that the narrator wants an answer - "an answer would be nice" - and then the "you" in this would make gestures and movements to just let the person know they heard them and aren't ignoring them. Because it's not about ignoring, it's just about not wanting to answer because of what could be a painful response. It is pretty jarring and I'll definately edit that - this is just for anyone else who is confused. :)
This poem has a holy halo around it and has been made sacred heart-rape. I love this. For its depth, of course, but also for the words. Words, you use them which such beauty, such delicate strength...
"simple subtle slowness" resonates particularly well, but then "working ways through thoughts" and the "motion out of emotion" that Jessica mentioned. It's amazing and beautiful, you deconstruct and reconstruct sounds to make them meaningful.
Love.
Oh, and it doesn't seem forced, which makes it even better.
I trie posting a comment earlier but it didn't work and it was long!
so I'll just say, nice work :P
I always like your poetry, but you know what? I'd like to see a piece with longer lines, less broken up. Really stretch out yoru vocab and metaphors.
:)
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