I step in.
It is the hot smell of flesh that enters my nostrils first, flooding my senses. The scent of slick bodies shamelessly gyrating against one another. Four women are on me immediately, caressing my face, my back, my shoulders, one in particular runs her hand up my thigh. They smell disgusting. Each one with four spritzes too many of their own perfumes. Lemon tangerine here, honey lavender, cherry apple fuck it all. It mixes together and pushes and suffocates and makes me feel like I’m drowning. Drowning in their filth and sweat and come. It is revolting and I shrug them off, ignore the need to push them to the floor, consider giving them (in a fit of fury) what they want. Resist.
They dissipate immediately, and my eyes are the next victim to fall prey to the repulsive, darkened club. They dance, scantily plaid, provocatively. They fornicate in the backrooms, thinking no one can hear and see them, fall on one another in the dead center of the dance floor and move their bodies as one. They are beetle-like, inhaling and exhaling against one another, each being exfoliating sweat, thick come, hot blood, liquids even their bodies did not want. It mixes with the alcohol.
The music is loud, a failed attempt to distract one from the lewd behaviour. Rather it is vulgar and plays the perfect accompaniment to the bawdy group. It is hard and dirty and fast, created for one distinct cluster of vile beings, to instigate only one action. There are shouts of pleasure, shouts of passion, misdirected exclamations of possession. They are all collectively filthy, desperate with their wants, unabashed with their caresses.
It is too much.
I step out.
She stands outside, had been, at the entrance of the club. Her makeup is barely visible, her hair tied back neatly, her glasses sitting smartly on the bridge of her nose. She has not fallen off her course, has not given into the temptation of it all, has never even set foot in the club. She is everything they should be. She is the life that I choose. She is light that chooses to remain separate.
I take a step towards her.
She recoils.
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6 comments:
"cherry apple fuck it all."
I like that.
You're very angry some times. I think it makes for very edgy prose.
I like this. I like the weakness in the narrator, her (his?) desire to belong...
If I may suggest something, I think it would be nice if the narrator were more self-aware (as to how she's (he's?) dressed and how he reacts physically to what he's seeing, and so forth. Then again, maybe the narrator is so disgusted by what he sees that all his attention really is focused on the others. I don't know.
Anyway, good piece, I enjoyed this. I hate clubs.
I quite like this--it reminds me of some of my own thoughts. The end is particularly delicious, though begging the question of why such a girl is in front of the club anyways...
But regardless, great.
I really liked what you did here.
Captures the reality of it all.
Scuzzy situations!
By the way
"filth and sweat and come" did you mean cum?
It's c-o-m-e too, isn't it?
Let's not...let's not seriously discuss this. Everyone knows what it means, regardless of how it's spelt.
Oh the last line isperfect. Absolutely hearbreaking! And I was thinking, "oh this is so positive."
Wow. I really like your descriptions. I very much felt like I was there, the whole beginning just drew you in with such an excess of vulgarity that it was highly believable.
I really like the line "misdirected exclamations of possession". I don't know why. But it really works. Everyone in this piece seems to want something they can't have or that they think they desperately want and it just goes with the whole chaos of this underworld scene.
The last paragraph about the girl really is like a breath of fresh air after everything else, and the last line is, of course, heartbreaking. Really great.
I actually like the fact that the narrator isn't described that much because all throughout he's trying to set himself apart from the people at the club. Then when you get to the last line, it becomes obvious that he really is just one of them. I thought it was neat that way and gave it just enough twist to make it...just right.
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