I HAVE FOUND
little beauty in this
body of mine
Every limb is a struggle to be freed
from the hosts within these cells,
Every follicle a battle
to be combed
and shaved
like unwieldy crabgrass
in the temple garden,
Every emission alien
every feature stolen.
"This flesh is
broken and unfinished,
it moves it fits and jumps--
curves like old type
with the awkward grace
of new limbs."
This is why
when brown turns to gray
the reshuffling
always
bows
before the amalgam.
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9 comments:
There are so many beautiful lines here. I think I like best "Every limb is a struggle to be freed" - something about it just resonates. The rest of the poem is amazing and works really well on myriad levels, but I just can't get over that line. I don't know what it is, but I'm a little bit in love with it.
I'm just not 100% sure how the end fits - but I think I like that, too. It's like a Garaway essay, with the last line of the conclusion leading beyond the topic. Approval.
I have missed your writing all too much. I can actually hear you reading it ouloud. It's so sad and brutally honest. I love the beginning repetition of 'Every', it just sounds like naming off things, as though there's a larger list the narrator's even more embarassed to share.
'Brown turns to gray' Love that. There's so little colour, even when everything was sacred and untouched.
'I have found little beauty in this body of mine' Um. My favourite excerpt of your writing. Possibly ever.
Wow. Just. Wow. You are a superb writer, Bernard. I love the consistency of the dislike and sadness towards the body - and the repitetion. Favorite line: "Every emission alien/every feature stolen." I just love the sense of the narrator not fitting properly inside their own skin and it emphasizes the discomfort. Maybe I'm completely off. I can't critique poetry very well - hopefully after this semester, my creative writing poetry class will help me to give you better feedback in the future :) But I really love those two lines.
And I may agree with Jess on the ending - but...I can't see how it would work without it and I love the part "when brown turns to gray". So yeah. It's great :) I love it very much.
Each time you write something I'm impressed by your ability to pull big words in and make it accessible. Very well done.
Thank you for that, guys.
I guess a clarification is in order about the last stanza--what I had in mind there was the next step in the biology(namely, reproduction). Thus when age comes and the genes, the skin, the bones we were born with are reshuffled and moved to the point of friction and decay, we can only bow before the attempt to make new and better shells for ourselves in our children.
But yeah, sometimes I find my body pretty weird.
Stunning and cryptic and mesmerizing.
"I Have found / little beauty in this / body of mine", that's just brilliant; and I dare say, genius...
I claim GENIUS!
The opening (as Charles pointed out) is absolutely stunning and says so much in so little.
"Every follicle a battle..."
Genius. Love the imagery.
somehow this made me sad, but it is exquisitely written Bernard,
i particularly like this flesh is broken and unfinished it moves in fits and jumps--curves like old type with the awkward grace of new limbs, I like the juxtaposition of old and new, broken and unfinished,
broken before being finished...
there are so many beautiful lines here though...
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