This is really provocative and I really enjoyed it - you are a pro at the minimalist style Mike! I would really like for this to be lengthened though - not this part in particular, but maybe as a segmented narrative poem, adding a bit at a time that all could be read individually but if you read them in succession show a larger story at work.
Definitely I'd say the first three lines are the most intriguing and it opens for more potential if you want to drive it further. That's what she said.
But now that Marta mentioned that it's related to "Thanatos," I think maybe it's because I'm just missing some kind of connection. I wanted to read Charles' piece but couldn't find it anywhere on the blog...was it one that he read at a meeting?
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really sad. i really like the minimalist feel, you said what needed to be said concisely, and i think it works very well.
This is really provocative and I really enjoyed it - you are a pro at the minimalist style Mike! I would really like for this to be lengthened though - not this part in particular, but maybe as a segmented narrative poem, adding a bit at a time that all could be read individually but if you read them in succession show a larger story at work.
Definitely I'd say the first three lines are the most intriguing and it opens for more potential if you want to drive it further. That's what she said.
OMGOSH LOL I just said the title out loud to myself and realized it was a reference to Charles' Thanatos XD bahaha brilliant!!
Hmm. Ok. I'll admit that the first few times I read this, I had mixed feelings. I absolutely loved the first three lines. The image was so invocative...I felt an entire tragedy contained in those 9 words.
What threw me off were the last 3 lines. I thought it was a bit cliché...first the speaker is so insightful and then he becomes rigid and a little dead for me.
But now that Marta mentioned that it's related to "Thanatos," I think maybe it's because I'm just missing some kind of connection. I wanted to read Charles' piece but couldn't find it anywhere on the blog...was it one that he read at a meeting?
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