Friday, April 9, 2010

Sand (part 1)

The cigarette in her hand had become a long cylinder of ash due to her inattention. Christine tapped it on the side of the ash tray, there might have only been one drag left. She sucked greedily at it until it went out.

twenty minutes late. Why am I even mildly surprised? she thought. The old man seated at the table beside her heard these thoughts as one long sigh. Christine’s leg twitched under the table as she leaned over to see down the street. Her movements above the table however, were slow and deliberate. Too many people were on the street and she couldn’t make out if he was coming or not. Another sigh, another glance at her watch. She pulled the chair further underneath the table. Herbert. Christine placed the ash tray right in front of the vacant seat across from her. She set the table for him.


“fuck I’m all sweaty” Herbert muttered to himself. Snapping his wrist forward and up he realized that he was twenty three minutes late. CRASH into a man on a cell phone. “I’m sorry!” he managed to cough out as he kept running. He turned the corner and saw the coffee shop they had agreed to meet at. A sigh of relief.

The glass door to the coffee shop slapped the wall as it swung open, cutting through the low murmur inside and replacing it with stunned silence. Herbert stood in the portal and everyone in the dimly lit room turned to look at him. He shuffled in, trying to avoid everyone’s gaze and the murmur resumed once again. He sat down at a table and took his coat off. Sweat. His lower back was drenched, his face, burning. Herbert’s eyes darted around the room desperately trying to find her. ‘Where is she?’ Herbert thought. ‘She’s not here’ he concluded and got up again, desperate to exit the coffee shop. Just as he turned around he saw her, fiery haired, thin lipped, chain smoking Christine, outside where he had walked right past her. She too was standing up holding her bag, smiling.

Relieved, Herbert put his bag down on the couch where he was sitting. As did Christine on her chair, and picked it up again when she saw Herbert put his down. He then picked his back up. Herbert wasn’t sure who was doing what or sitting where.

‘Awkward as always Herb’, thought Christine. These socially inept games always pissed her off. Just that morning as she was exiting the subway, both her and a stranger got out of each other’s way in the same direction. She glared at the man, a punishing glance.

Satisfied, Christine put her bag down and crossed her arms. Herbert understood what had just transpired, sighed and walked outside. Christine making sure to force a smile at him as he walked over.

“Well, aren’t you going to hug me?”

“Hi Christine,” Herbert said leaning down “How are you?”

“Good, You?”

“Good” He scoffed.

“I’m glad to see you’re still smiling Herb” She managed to crack a smile back. They locked eyes, and stood silence beside the table.

“This is the part where we sit down Herb”, Christine said.

Herbert pulled the chair out from under the table and sat down, “I didn’t know I missed you that much Christine”. She followed him and laughed at the comment, “It’s been how many years?”

“Not sure... It’s been...”, Herbert paused mid thought distracted by the ash tray in front of him. He shoved it aside and Christine shot him a coquettish stare.

“Four?” he asked, ignoring the event.

“And I’m still teaching you how to be normal” she said, smirking

“Good thing your here now. How’s Alex?”

“He’s good”, Christine said distracted. She noticed the woman a few tables away light a cigarette. The woman held it with her lips only, as she lit it. Christine winced at the sight her pursed lips.

“Good?” he asked perplexed.

“How’s Zoe?”

“Great” pausing “I never liked small talk” To this comment, Christine pulled out another cigarette. She made sure to hold the fag with her left hand as she lit it with her right.

“Thirsty?” asked Herbert getting up from his seat.

“Sure, I’ll have mocha”

5 comments:

Emlyn said...

hmm. I like this story Max. I liked the way the characters developed. and that maybe Christine had been about to leave and Herbert got there just on time,and maybe he thinks she was late too. I liked the twist at the end, because I assumed she was waiting for a date but they hadnt seen each other in 4 years, and then I wondered what their relationship was...it left me unsatisifed. I want to read part 2
I 'm happy you posted this week!

Max said...

thanks emlyn

Mike Carrozza said...

I liked the progression. I WANT to know where this is going. I'm upset I didn't get to finish it.

The awkward situation transpires as much as Herb perspires. I want to know their relationship. Maybe I'll be able to offer more with the rest of the piece.

Chasch said...

I agree with both Mike and Emlyn, you have awesome, well presented characters and I want to know where this will go.
I know you usually don't edit the stuff you post, and that's exactly what I think this piece needs. A lot of the sentences are awkward. I find the writing is really good, just too raw. I would chop some sentences up for impact (for instance the first sentence, which I think is grammatically incorrect, because as it stands now her hand had become a long cylinder of ash, not her cigarette) and general flow.
That's all, now I want to read the rest.

Max said...

I updated part 1