I have seen
my neighbours quarrel
under soft dining-room lights
as I dry dishes
by my kitchen window
it has occurred in my mind
that they are not
fighting over me
so I carry the warm plates
in my arms
like children to their beds.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Fucking amazing. Love it.
The distance and loneliness which is incredibly well portrayed yet not overtly mentioned.
It's incredibly meaningful, and the shortness gives it more power.
The last simile is ingenious, surprising, but it also deepens the meaning, ties into the theme, and adds a twist (or several twists, my mind is spinning).
Better to be quarreling with the person you live with that living alone and having nobody to quarrel with — an excellent form of heart rape.
One thing. Upon rereading several time, I find problematic the line: "it has occurred in my mind". It would pass unnoticed in a longer work, but in such a short piece, it sounds obvious. Perhaps a simple "it has occurred to me" would have been more effective. Then again, maybe you were aware of this and chose the "my mind" to emphasize the speaker's persona — that something is going on in there: he is thinking, analyzing, feeling, which in turn clashes with the relative coldness, or factuality, of the narration. Now I am unsure...
Anyway, I approve most highly.
Well, the "in my mind" was just so that I didn't have two "me"s in the piece... but thank you--I will have to consider it in the editing. And thank you for the praise!
Oh right, I hadn't seen there was a "me" two lines down. You're right then, that's just plain ugly. Better to leave it as it is!
Post a Comment