Dancing
My hand in yours
Laughing
Your eyes in mine
Singing
Our voices together
Surrounded
By thousands
Also revelling
In the music
Playing through
The last minutes
Then all eyes looking up
In anticipation
Collective intakes of breath, collective sigh
As the sky
Shattered above us
In a million falling stars
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9 comments:
I can't say that I enjoyed this. It was almost TOO cliche... I don't know what else to say.
I just pictured every movie or show that I'd ever seen with a new years countdown and this fit with it. Overdone. I'm sorry for being harsh.
I, on the other hand, liked the treatment.
I'll agree with Mike that the subject matter has been overdone, but I like the first and last stanzas for their artistry.
The first had a nice play between the mine-in-yours and the single verbs. I liked that. And the third stanza - those last three lines are I think what got me most about this piece. I really liked those last three lines.
Yeah it is cliche, but I wanted to write something new years' themed and happy. I spent new year's eve outside with thousands of people watching a live concert and dancing and then watching fireworks, and it was beautiful, the whole evening, and I was trying to capture that;so I know what you mean, but I guess my experience was cliche, and the whole thing is cliche, so how to escape that...sometimes cliche isn't so bad.
Jess I did not see your comment,(I guess we both wrote comments at the same time,) Thank you! I'm glad you could get past the subject matter and appreciate the words, thanks.
pfff there is no way around the cliches of a holiday Emlyn. Don't listen to the emo up there, He's not happy till someone slits there wrist. Why do you think he likes my writing?
Thanks Max! so I guess you liked it?
Hey, Max. Emo is no way to describe me.
I liked it quite a bit.
ESMC.
JSMC...like 100% lol The first and last stanzas were so delicate, I love it.
And it's true, the holidays are, by nature, cheesy. But that's why we love them :P
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